Pan Goatee was sickened by the sight of some repulsively ugly looking creature entering a liquor store.
“I guess if I was as ugly looking as you are, I’d be driven to drink as well,” the satyr commented as he lopped the uglo’s head off with his astral laser machete.
He then cut up the said uglo into 999 quintillion pieces with his machete as he addressed the approaching blind folded and covid mask wearing rats and approaching blind folded and covid mask wearing nanites who’d be eating the remains of the uglo and then vomiting them up on the banks of the River Styx for transport to Tartarus, “With the Covid refusing to die down like a good virus, the United Nations’ Communist Secretary-General Antonio Guterres saying he hopes a global Marxist government can be quickly established as the “new normal” in a post-pandemic world and Neo-Bolshevik insurrectionists establishing a neo-Jacobin French Revolutionary style Reign of Terror in the U.S., you’re not helping matters aesthetically polluting Gaia by wandering around with your ugly looking faces ruining the days of sensible people everywhere but of course not the days of stupid people (of which there seems to be an overabundance in the Western world). Dickens said of the years of the original Reign of Terror, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. But thanks to the repulsive pathetically ugly ugliness of uglos such as yourself, we’ve only got the “worst of times’ in this second Reign of Terror.”
Meanwhile down in the Underworld, Hades the Greek god of the underworld was holding a summit meeting with Poseidon the Greek god of the Ocean.
“The Underworld seems to be inundated with a lot of uglos these days because of that troublesome satyr Pan Goatee,” Hades complained to Poseidon.
“I don’t think you can blame Pan Goatee,” Poseidon came to the defense of the satyr, “you have to blame the Western world for somehow having an overabundance of ugly females. Our brother Zeus says he no longer visits Canada and the U.S.A. anymore when he’s feeling raunchy. It just invokes nausea in him.”
“Turning to another matter, I granted the ghost of General Andrew Jackson a dispensational release from Purgatory so he can go fight the Neo-Bolshevik insurgents that are trying to take over the U.S.,” Hades lit himself a cigar.
“Jackson heard about that?” Poseidon ate a scallop.
“Yes, news reached him about the Neo-Bolshevik insurgents trying to tear his statue down in the vicinity of the White House a few days ago so now he wants to go fight them,” Hades explained.
“And why did you agree to his request?” Poseidon asked.
“Because he provides me with such good cigars,” Hades blew smoke rings, “although I think he gets them from the ghost of his wife who was apparently quite the cigar connoisseur in her mortal life.”
“What’s the latest with the Neo-Bolshevik insurrection in the U.S. anyways?” Poseidon ate a lobster who was a distant cousin of Set Enterprises’ famed psychic lobster Michelangelo.
“I hear Antifa has been advertising a peaceful family friendly 4th of July Flag Burning at the Gettysburg Cemetery this coming 4th of July,” Hades drank a gin and tonic.
“I imagine Abe Lincoln’s ghost and Union General Ulysses S. Grant will be requesting dispensations if that goes ahead,” Poseidon remarked.
“Undoubtedly,” Hades nodded.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 28th